As I was going thru my divorce process, I was forbidden from meeting my kids for a certain time. I identified myself with parents from Iraq who needed to send their kids away cause they could not provide a livable life for kids. What a horrifying choice!!! Those were some of the worse days of my life. I spent those lonely days asking two questions to myself:
1) Do I deserve to be a parent of my kids?
2) What will my life look like if and when I get my kids back?
Those strong emotions gave me tremendous strength. I needed to convince myself that I am/can be a good-enough parent. And I had imagined and re-imagined fictional life in my mind.
I have this mantra: “Make a habit to live a life that is right for kids and happy for yourself”. Keywords being the habit, live, right-for-kids and happy-for-yourself. Define these keywords for yourself and start living it today. Eventually, you will learn to live, laugh, love in better fashion. You will be a better parent and happier person.
I strongly believe in power-of-habit. Make yourself a habit of doing basic things right. Food, school timings, etc. And add on to make things happier with listening to music with kids, do yoga to calm yourself, enrichment activities, meet friends, go for a hike, etc. So with all this, you know in your mind that you are doing best for kids and you don’t ever have to doubt yourself about it.
Eventually, I got kids back and they are staying with me. I am a better person because of them. I will not take a single breath for granted. I do strive each day to make their life better and that itself makes me happy. I am far from perfect, and still, I am a proud, habitual, happy father.