I come from religious family and I always believed in god since childhood. But I was always taught to not really ask for anything, but use the avenue for peace of mind. Let God decide what is good for you rather you deciding it. It was a very powerful idea and I really hang on to it.
As I was going thru my marital crisis, my ex-wife would always go to God “asking” something and try many rituals which I was not used to. We spent few thousands of dollars to complete those rituals. But things would never change, in fact, they went worse each day, and further escalated.
As my ex-wife became more dedicated to God-centric activities, I started turning away from God. Now we are divorced, I have stopped going to God altogether. I do go to temples cause I think my kids should have that as a part of their life. It is my idea to inculcate faith in them. But I am more indifferent now.
I don’t think God meant anything bad for me, but at the same time, I cannot explain why God creates these bad situations in life. I have stopped looking for an answer. Now I am much more at peace. I try my best and ready to accept the situation. I know I cannot control external factors, but I can try to control how to react to those. I guess we all react differently to grief and there is no right or wrong way.
I wonder if I have come full circle. I still do not ask or expect anything when I pray. I just pray. And I strive, I strive to make today better than yesterday and ensure that tomorrow is better than today. I may not be able to achieve it every day, but God will always remain on my side while I am striving genuinely.