Category: Uncategorized

It is OK to get Divorce
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It is OK to get Divorce

It is everyone’s dream to get married to the right person and live a happy life. It’s a partnership of love and bonding, but not everyone is lucky -some have a happy journey while for others it’s a difficult one.

Marriage is about that unconditional love, bonding, and equal partnership but sometimes that love fades, trust vanishes and scares take the place. We lose the joyfulness, with relationship diminishing to a slow death.

The relationship turns so difficult that it becomes impossible to live such a life. on top, it is not easy to make that life-changing decision. We explore through series of questions and answers and possible scenarios to save the marriage. When none of it makes any logical sense, we make a decision to get divorced and try to be strong with self and say – It is Ok to get Divorced.

There can be a million questions, doubts from friends and family as such. We don’t need to justify anybody since we know deep down in our heart what I went through with my significant other and that it is impossible to be together anymore. We don’t need anybody’s acceptance as we know the reason within, and know – It is OK to get Divorced.

While it’s not easy to be divorced, but it is not impossible either. Life is so beautiful, and nothing stops because of our divorce, we accept the reality and align our life with the reality.

It hurts sometimes but we are strong and with endurance, we push through everything including the emotional hurts, legal battles in courts etc. It is a short battle for some but for others it may be long drawn battle of 12 to 13 years. It is hard, very difficult indeed for many. Yes! it shakes the very foundation of our life and our sanity but somewhere in the midst of this struggle we gain strength from within our soul to move ahead – It is Ok to get Divorced.

It is Ok to stand up for ourselves and walk out of a difficult or an abusive relationship with our head held high. It is OK to be ourselves – It is OK to get Divorced.

Fatherhood means setting an example
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Fatherhood means setting an example

The other day, I was working from home, my parents were watching Marathi channel taking Salman Khan’s interview in Marathi (promoting his new movie SULTAN). He shared his childhood story.

When Salman was in 3rd standard, one day he was asked to stand outside the school near the flagpole. When his dad came to pick him up he asked a reason why he is standing. Salman said that he doesn’t know/understand. Next day his dad met the principal who explained that students are punished because school fees are delayed. So his dad argued that it is dad’s responsibility to pay the fees and not kid’s. Hence dad should be punished and then dad went and stood near flagpole for a full day.

A good parent is the one who sets high standards and right values.

God and Divorce
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God and Divorce

I come from religious family and I always believed in god since childhood. But I was always taught to not really ask for anything, but use the avenue for peace of mind. Let God decide what is good for you rather you deciding it. It was a very powerful idea and I really hang on to it.

As I was going thru my marital crisis, my ex-wife would always go to God “asking” something and try many rituals which I was not used to. We spent few thousands of dollars to complete those rituals. But things would never change, in fact, they went worse each day, and further escalated.

As my ex-wife became more dedicated to God-centric activities, I started turning away from God. Now we are divorced, I have stopped going to God altogether. I do go to temples cause I think my kids should have that as a part of their life. It is my idea to inculcate faith in them. But I am more indifferent now.

I don’t think God meant anything bad for me, but at the same time, I cannot explain why God creates these bad situations in life. I have stopped looking for an answer. Now I am much more at peace. I try my best and ready to accept the situation. I know I cannot control external factors, but I can try to control how to react to those. I guess we all react differently to grief and there is no right or wrong way.

I wonder if I have come full circle. I still do not ask or expect anything when I pray. I just pray. And I strive, I strive to make today better than yesterday and ensure that tomorrow is better than today. I may not be able to achieve it every day, but God will always remain on my side while I am striving genuinely.

Purposeful Walk
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Purposeful Walk

Life is about the moments. If you try to remember your life backward, you will just remember biggest moments of your life. And in general, sense, if you have more happy moments than bad moments, you will say life was rather happier. But it cannot be that simple, correct?

The fact that we remember those moments because there is some context to them. Maybe the efforts we put in to achieve something or maybe crisis we faced when we were not prepared for it. So if the moment is the highlight of the life, what is rest of the time? How do you define rest of the time leading up to or after the moment?

This is where we can talk more about living joyfully vs living purposefully. A joyful life is when we do what we want to do and be happy about it. And purposeful means, we do it with some purpose in mind even if that time/effort may or may not be joyful.

A Grand-slam winner in Tennis does not win with just two weeks of effort, but with far more efforts and sacrifices. May it be 4:00 AM waking up for practice, or not eating the food they like, or going thru rigor to be able to address the weakest skill in the game or facing many defeats. All that prep work and then achievement makes it the most enjoyable moment.

On the other side, people who face crisis can still come out of it and change the world eventually. The most inspiring story for me is of Oprah, who faced sexual abuse at 10, pregnancy at 14, lost her baby and still managed to become one of the most successful people in the world. She did that by making life purposeful, focusing on education and life ahead.

Living purposeful, may it be joyful or not, defines what we are. May all your life-walks are purposeful and may you find the way to make it joyful.

Kaleidoscope of mind and Parenthood
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Kaleidoscope of mind and Parenthood

Your mind is like a kaleidoscope you always carry with yourself. This kaleidoscope has gems made up from your experience. You have to use these gems to see the world. You use these gems to make sense out of this world. These gems are unique only to you. Hence your world is also very unique but it is of the color of your gems.

When you hear a good music or poetry it acts like fresh light flowing through your kaleidoscope. You never know which gem that light will reflect from and that gem will start glowing again for that moment in time. Light always touches your gems on top first hence your recent experiences are stronger than oldest ones. But gems below, being most used, are always the strongest and most shining and make your world what it is. The idea is to keep your most precious gems always shining so that it will always show you the most beautiful world.

As a parent, my children’s smile and achievements are those gems which enrich my kaleidoscope. What’s yours?

Drawing strength from your emotions
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Drawing strength from your emotions

As I was going thru my divorce process, I was forbidden from meeting my kids for a certain time. I identified myself with parents from Iraq who needed to send their kids away cause they could not provide a livable life for kids. What a horrifying choice!!! Those were some of the worse days of my life. I spent those lonely days asking two questions to myself:
1) Do I deserve to be a parent of my kids?
2) What will my life look like if and when I get my kids back?

Those strong emotions gave me tremendous strength. I needed to convince myself that I am/can be a good-enough parent. And I had imagined and re-imagined fictional life in my mind.

I have this mantra: “Make a habit to live a life that is right for kids and happy for yourself”. Keywords being the habit, live, right-for-kids and happy-for-yourself. Define these keywords for yourself and start living it today. Eventually, you will learn to live, laugh, love in better fashion. You will be a better parent and happier person.

I strongly believe in power-of-habit. Make yourself a habit of doing basic things right. Food, school timings, etc. And add on to make things happier with listening to music with kids, do yoga to calm yourself, enrichment activities, meet friends, go for a hike, etc. So with all this, you know in your mind that you are doing best for kids and you don’t ever have to doubt yourself about it.

Eventually, I got kids back and they are staying with me. I am a better person because of them. I will not take a single breath for granted. I do strive each day to make their life better and that itself makes me happy. I am far from perfect, and still, I am a proud, habitual, happy father.